Nemesis6051/Sandbox

1

自己嫌悪の連続で吐き気がする
１００の憂鬱を１の幸福で補う毎日
こんな毎日をあと何万日生きたらいい
数秒の苦痛で終わらせたい
生きていると理不尽なことばかり
だから死ぬことが合理的だと思ってしまう
死ねば人と競争することも苦労することも責任を負う必要も悩む必要もない
死を目の前に生きている全てのことは無意味よ
仕方なく生きている人にとって死ねはいい意味で全てが終わる
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・
助かりたいなら死ね・・・

This constant self-loathing makes me nauseous
Every day I compensate for a hundred moments of sorrow with one moment of happiness
How many more tens of thousands of days do I have to live like this?
I want it to end with just a few seconds of pain
Living is full of nothing but unreasonable things
So I end up thinking that dying is rational
When you die, you don't have to compete with others, you don't have to struggle, you don't have responsibilities, you don’t have to worry
In the face of death, everything in life is meaningless
For those who are living reluctantly, death brings an end to everything in a positive sense
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...
If you want to be saved, then die...

2

二○十二年一月二六日

家に飾ってある人形が怖い…

January 26, 2012

I'm afraid of the dolls in my house...

二○十二年一月二九日

いえ、なんでもないのですよ。

January 29, 2012

No, it's nothing.

二○十二年二月一日

生まれてしまったので仕方なく生きてます。

February 1, 2012

I was born, so I have no choice but to live.

二○十二年九月十七日

何か面白いことないかな。

ないよね。

社会を恨み面白いことをキャッチしようとしない人間に

生き甲斐はやってこない。

September 17, 2012

I wonder if there's anything interesting.

No, there isn't.

There is no purpose in life for people who resent society

and don't try to seek out interesting things.

二○十二年九月十八日

なんていうかさ、生きてるのって馬鹿みたいじゃない？
身を削って苦労してまで生きたい人生なの？
そんなに楽しい人生送ってる？
人生における素敵な出来事なんて
幸せだと思えるのはほんの一時だけで
結局全部後からリスクがくっ付いて回るじゃん？
何が起こっても最終的には苦労する羽目になる。
何かを手に入れる為に頑張って
その何かを手に入れたとして
今度はその何かに悩まされ苦労する。

他人なんて結局は自分が可愛い。
自分のステータスの為だけのことを考えてみんな動いてる。
助けたり優しくするのは自己満足のため。
仲間を欲しがるのは一人が恐いから。
複雑で様々な思考・価値観を持つ大勢の人間の視線を周囲に感じながら
大して面白くもない人生を何十年も生きれる？
生きれば生きるほどストレスを溜め疲弊して荒んで最後は病気になり
一番信じていた家族に疎まれ死んでいく。

September 18, 2012

Isn't it stupid to be alive?
Is it really worth living a life where you have to sacrifice and struggle so much?
Are you really leading such an enjoyable life?
Those wonderful moments in life that you think make you happy, they only last for a moment
and in the end, all of them come with risks attached, right?
No matter what happens, you end up suffering
You work hard for something
And once you get that something
you end up worried and struggling with that very thing

Other people are only looking out for themselves
They only care about their own status
Helping and being kind to others is for their own self-satisfaction
They want companionship because they are afraid of being alone
Can one truly endure living a not-so-interesting life for decades while feeling
the gazes of a multitude of people with complex and diverse thoughts and values?
The more you live, the more you accumulate stress, become exhausted, and deteriorate.

In the end, you become sick, estranged from the family you believed in the most, and eventually die.

二○十二年九月十九日

ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ

September 19, 2012

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

二○十二年九月二○日

寿命は25まででいいよ。

大体25でおおよその未来が想像できるし。

September 20, 2012

It's fine if my life only lasts 25 years.

At around 25, I can imagine what the future is going to be like.

二○十二年九月二十一日

昨日舌をピーラーで削がれ続ける夢を見た。

September 21, 2012

Yesterday, I had a dream where my tongue was sliced with a peeler.

二○十二年九月二十二日

毎日毎日9割の苦労を1割の幸福で慰めるように…

こんな風にこれからずっと騙し騙し生きて

いかなきゃいけないと思うとさっさと

死んだ方がましかなって思う。

September 22, 2012

Every day, I combat 90% of hardship with 10% of happiness...

If this is how I have to live for the rest of my life,

I think I would rather die.

二○十二年九月二十四日

「君はー殉職ー死ーんだしー」

September 24, 2012

"Youu~ already dieed~ at your poost~"

二○十二年十月一日

しあわせってこういうことなんだね。

にやにやが止まらない。

たのしくなってきたなぁ。

いまなら空も飛べそうな気分さ(^^)

October 1, 2012

So, this is what happiness feels like.

I can't stop smiling.

I'm having so much fun.

Now I feel as if I could fly (^^)

二○十二年十二月二十二日

呪
藍不穏って腐乱臭非対応なのね。
呪
そういえば各所で聞いてた気がする。
呪
なんで腐乱臭楽しむ時はぱふぃん使ってます。

December 22, 2012

CURSE

It seems that indigo is unstable and doesn't handle the smell of decay well.

CURSE

Come to think of it, I've heard about that from various places.

CURSE

Why should I use a fan if I enjoy the smell of decomposition?

二○十三年七月四日

皆さん私の分、幸せになって下さいね。

June 4, 2013

I wish you all happiness.

二○十三年七月十二日

ケイゾク久々に観たいなぁ。

オープニングがとても素敵。

June 12, 2013

I haven't watched Keizoku in a long time.

The opening is really great.

二○十三年九月十日

生きたい理由は一つもないのに

死にたい理由は沢山ある

September 10, 2013

There is not a single reason to live

but plenty of reasons to die.

二○十三年九月二十三日

生きているから悩む、辛い目に遭う、苦労しなきゃいけない

日々に幸せなんてあるのか

あったとしてもそれは

日々の苦労には全然見合わない程の

小さな幸せだろう

ロープ1本とほんの数秒で

残りの膨大な時間を悲しまなくていいんだ

September 23, 2013

Because we are alive, we experience worries, we must face hardships, and we must suffer.

Is there such a thing as happiness in everyday life?

Even if there is, it seems like it would only be a little happiness that doesn't compare at all to the daily struggles we go through

With just a single rope and a few seconds

I won't have to feel sad for the rest of time.

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